Many people, unsure of what to say to an older loved one, make brief visits to those in assisted living, rehab facilities, or nursing homes.
Depending on the situation, a brief visit might be essential. But sometimes a little longer, more intimate visit can relieve loneliness.
Some of the tips for uplifting visits given by Paula Spencer Scott at Caring.com:
Set your feelings aside as a gift to your loved one. Focus on enriching part of your relative's or friend's day at a difficult time of life. Focus on the person inside. That's who you want to connect with. He or she is still there, even if the outer package has changed considerably. It can help to look into the person's eyes. They are the "window to the soul."
Time your visit with care. Many frail elders have the most energy and alertness in the morning or right after a midday meal. Call ahead to ask if you're unsure about a good visiting time.
Greet your loved one warmly.
Make eye contact, give a warm hug or gently hold a hand (remember that arthritis can make handshaking painful), then sit down to talk at eye level.
Tweak your communication style. Raise your voice slightly if needed. About half of those over 75 have hearing trouble. Turn off the radio or other background noise.
Keep your faces at about the same level. Many people rely on lip reading to help follow a conversation.
Pay attention to your nonverbal communication. Turn off your phone and be present.
Bring props. You can take off some of the "performance" pressure you might feel in making conversation by bringing along a helping hand. Examples: Some favorite or seasonal music (and something to play it on if needed). Pictures of your loved one with the family can be very enjoyable. Avoid tons of photos of people your loved one has never met — unless these are requested.
