When you have a friend or co-worker who has lost a loved one, you might be at a loss about what you should do. Here is some advice from grief counselors.
* The classic "I'm so sorry for your loss" works in all cases and may provide an opening for the bereaved to tell you how they feel. It's best not to detour from this. This isn't a time to be creative.
* Allow them to talk about their grief. Listen without interrupting.
* Don't say you understand their pain or give examples in your own life. Don't tell them they are lucky for some reason or that they will soon feel better. Don't give advice on how they should proceed with their lives.
* Understand the five stages of grief: denial (this can't be happening), anger (how could he leave me), bargaining (trying to cope with the loss), depression (this stage lasts the longest and must be dealt with carefully) and acceptance.
It's not unusual for a person who is grieving to be moody. Understand that it's probably not your fault.
* Don't ask what you can do. If you can do something, such as make food, just do it. If you want to do something such as help clean or organize, ask what time you can help. If you see something that needs to be done, offer to do precisely that.
* Be natural, but do not tease as you might do to diffuse an awkward situation.
* Include them.
