For caregivers and siblings, one subject causes stress and anger: Not all siblings contribute to the care of mom and dad.
In fact, according to the American Sociological Association, daughters spend more than twice the amount of time caring for their aging parents as sons do.
Quoted in AgingCare.com, Angelina Grigoryeva, author of the sociological study, "Sons reduce their relative caregiving efforts when they have a sister, while daughters increase theirs when they have a brother. This suggests that sons pass on caregiving responsibilities to their sisters."
The article in AgingCare.com drew a large number of responses from both men and women caregivers.
Among the themes that emerged:
– Men who did care for their aging parent were very dedicated in terms of time and money. One respondent wrote: "I am a son, and I give 95 percent of the care to my mother compared to my other 3 siblings who are sisters. My brothers-in-law also help."
– Both men and women caregivers bitterly complained that other adult children completely surrendered any obligation to contribute to care, some never contacted their parent again once the parent entered a nursing home. One respondent wrote:
"In my case, I never hear from my brothers as they have a 'life' and are too 'busy'. It's disgusting to me."
– Aging parents were saddened by the lack of interest from their children: A father wrote: "My wife is elderly, almost totally disabled, almost bed bound, and her general health is getting worse, but we live in blessed isolation as if we didn't exist."
"We don't see anyone for weeks, months . . . I hope I do not sound bitter. However, I am deeply disappointed. Not for myself, but for my dear wife who was the best, most caring, kindest mother anyone could wish to have."
